Sunday, November 13, 2011

Simmering In a Pot of Stew

Like a salty jacuzzi.

    I thought I should write about something that has been on my mind:

       Since I was very little, I've had stories and projects in my head and none of these have been completed, most not even started. The project that has progressed the farthest is Queen Indeed, but now that is being majorly overhauled with character and plot changes. But instead of feeling down about it I find that there is an organic sense to this process of producing a big work like a story and graphic novel. As an artist, and even as a maturing person in general, I feel like I'm simmering in a pot of stew full of ideas, experiences, and flavors; the more it cooks the better it tastes. I halted Queen Indeed because I felt like it was incomplete and fractured; it was really frustrating to figure what it was missing. So I put it back into the stew to simmer some more. Four years later, a lot has changed in the world of Queen Indeed. It has more subtlety and honesty.
       Now, my current problem is intellectualising this natural 'stewing' process by deliberately trying to squeeze ideas that may not belong in them to counteract subconscious biases. I have become aware of many racial, gender, sexual, and class-related issues these past few years (for example, I have begn to try to consider the complex nature of the relationship between Queen Isabel and her lady-in-waiting, whom is a goose girl from the lower classes. How does this disparity in experience affect their friendship?) After becoming aware of all these differences, and of even my own privileges, I have a fear that any unchecked biases and stereotypes that I may still have will creep inside these projects and degrade their intended quality. And by constantly trying to question all of my motives for character and plot changes, I have lost a sense of precious spontaneity, and ultimately stifled what inspiration can bestow. It's less fun to work on these projects, I suppose.
      I'm guessing that this deliberate thinking that I've adopted too will change. I mean, I went from not thinking at all about my work to being overly sensitive to it.
       I'm sure I will eventually hit a balance, because even though I do want to become a smarter critic of our world and its history, I need those creative juices to make it work.
      Back to that pot of stew I go.

No comments: